When It's Not Safe To Speak

I was asked on a podcast recently:

“What is the #1 reason for dialogue friction?"

My answer was not “different opinions” or “differing narratives” as prevalant as they are. It was lack of psychological safety.

In a media landscape where news platforms increasingly disciple people into anger and reactivity, many can sense that it is no longer safe to speak.

I’ve done enough culture work to know that people are exhausted and fearful of... people. There are sound, clear-minded, fair, compassionate, and honest people who have words of life to contribute but are choosing silence as a means of self-protection. Because:

If you say the “right” thing, you will be misunderstood.If you say the “wrong” thing, you will be crucified.If you say the fair thing, you will be accused of “both-sides-ing.”If you say nothing at all, you are heartless.And in the heat of a national crisis, if you share about something unrelated (a new job or a life occurrence) this is perhaps the most damning of all.

As sound, emotionally mature voices are slowly pushed out of public discourse, we are often left with only with loud voices. Extreme voices. Often manipulative, myopic and reckless voices. Until eventually, public discourse has fully mutated into something fully dysfunctional.

We are never called to be silenced by fear when we feel convicted. But we are called to weigh the cost. To ask honest questions before we speak.

• Is the person on the other end open and able to listen?

• Is there psychological safety in this moment, or just a stage for reaction?

• Is this about clarity and contribution, or ego and release?

Discernment matters. Timing matters. Audience matters.

There are moments when silence is not compromise, but wisdom. Not fear, but restraint. Knowing when to speak requires listening to the room, to the relational temperature, and to that quiet voice that checks our urgency and asks us to lay our ego aside.

Ultimately, I believe God confirms with a still, small inner voice when it is time for us to open our mouths. There's a passage in Exodus that has long grounded me. An assurance given to Moses that goes like this:

“Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” 

Mature voices do not speak less because they have nothing to say.They speak less because they understand when speaking will actually bear fruit.

In my conflict courses, I often say:

“Protect the mature voices.”

Even when they do not give an easy response. Even when you feel they are only aligned with you fifty percent of the way. Even when you suspect they are not on your team. Even when you suspect they are on your team and yet not die-hard enough.

Protect the mature voices. These are the voices that will continue to create a window within society where something productive can still be birthed.

~Grace & Peace